When I was wrestling my way through infertility, I felt like an awful human being. I was wretched to other mothers, to my spouse (who was also super sad by the way), and to my friends. But most of all I was hateful to myself.
And why wouldn’t I be? My inner dialogue was constantly reminding me that my body had failed me. I was angry that my vision for my life’s timeline had been interrupted. I resented anyone who thought too little or too much of my self-inflicted victim status.
Infertility had stolen my kindness.
The emotional roller coaster is real. When you are up, you might start to believe you can survive the grief. And then when you are down, it is the pits of despair, with no end in sight. As an infertility overcomer myself, I am hyper aware that putting on a brave face is not going to actually help you. And I would never ask you to do that.
You should always be authentically true to your feelings.
This journey downright stinks sometimes, so it’s completely understandable that you are going to have days where you don’t want to get out of bed, but your mindset is affecting your fertility goals and stress is a major complicator to creating some pregnancy magic.
Infertility has a complicated relationship with stress. Whereas stress alone does not cause infertility, we know that infertility does cause stress. And stress can delay your ability to get pregnant, even when under treatment.
What Should You Do?
I remember the vicious cycle of anxiety and depression…realizing that I was stressing myself out and being stressed that my stress was keeping me from getting pregnant.
But you’re not doomed to continue living like this. That’s not living anyway.
And it IS possible to live a beautiful and fulfilling life while continuing to walk this journey to parenthood. But it’s going to require something pretty hard from you. You’re going to have to give yourself permission to be kind to yourself again.
There’s been enough beating yourself up over another negative test. It’s time to stop punishing yourself for those miscarriages. Your body is grieving. And you wouldn’t treat anyone else the way you are treating yourself during such a deeply mournful experience. There’s a better way to heal and prepare your body, mind, and soul to shift perspective from resisting positivity to receiving it.
Here are a few ways to lower those cortisol levels and learn to love the life you’re living, right where you are at. And yes, we LOVE fertility affirmations around here!
To eliminate fertility anxiety:
- Eat a healthy diet.
There’s lots of diet options out there. When I take on a new client, we go over their entire history and symptoms and choose a diet and meal plan that will work to solve their underlying issues and balance hormones.
- Exercise regularly.
And we’re not talking hardcore training for athleticism here. Just be active. Enjoy moving your body again. Take a fun dance class with a friend. Go for walks when the weather is nice. Find a balance that helps you to forgive and learn to trust your body once again.
- Incorporate relaxation.
It’s a daily discipline to take care of yourself, but it is transformative. For me this means turning on some soft music and soaking in a warm bath or cozying up with a hot cup of tea and journaling my thoughts.
Now I know this is going to be the really hard one. But it’s arguably the most important thing I’m ever going to ask you to give yourself permission to do. Call it a favor to me.
It can also be helpful to do a mental assessment of how you’re feeling. If you find intrusive thoughts creeping in to steal your joy and hope, take time to relax and remind and affirm to yourself these truths.
When You’ve Forgotten Who You Are:
- I am fearless.
- I am enough.
- I am not ashamed.
- I am proud of myself.
- I am blessed, not cursed.
- I am brave and filled with hope.
- I am ready for motherhood.
What can I do?
- I can do hard things with grace.
- The joy inside of me makes me strong.
- How I care for myself reflects how I will care for my child.
- I choose health and peace for myself and my child.
- I surrender my body for this goal.
- I release myself from the guilt of what I did in ignorance or misguidance. Now, that I know more, I make better choices.
What is my body capable of?
- My body is perfectly designed and I will not punish it.
- My body has not failed me and I am grateful for it.
- My body communicates to me what it needs and I listen.
- My body is a safe place to grow a baby.
- I am making choices to become healthier and happier every day.
- Progress is inevitable.
- My body does not betray me and I do not betray it.
- Pregnancy is my next adventure.
What do I deserve?
- I deserve excellent medical care and doctors who respect me.
- I deserve to be in control of my medical choices.
- I deserve autonomy over my body.
- I deserve to be listened to.
- I am the expert on my body and I deserve to know everything about my health that my doctors know.
- I am excited for my family’s future.
- Whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
- I already have everything I need to grow a beautiful family.
- My life is fulfilling and whole as it is, but I am open to new opportunities.
- My ability to conceive is not a reflection of my womanhood or my maternal potential.
- I trust that I will become pregnant at the perfect time.
- I am grateful for this journey and for what I have learned.
- Everything will work out as it should.
- I am relaxed as I wait for my time.
- I accept what I cannot control.
- My dreams are already coming true.
- You don’t have to be a slave to your sadness and your stress for another moment.
- If you are alone in carrying this burden, let’s chat.
- If you don’t know what else to try, let’s chat.
- If you’re hearing conflicting advice from multiple professionals, let’s chat.
Hope has not run out, friend.